we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
