This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You are the jesus of drinking
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
