I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
