Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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