dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
