You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
