Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
