If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
