what day is it and did you see me today?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
