you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
