OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
