Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
