The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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