Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
