I just pynch a tree in the face
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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