Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
