I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
