Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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