Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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