how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
