Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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