My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
