So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
