it wasn't lemon gatorade
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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