i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
