it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
