My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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