Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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