yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize