The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
