i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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