i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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