Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
