This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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