I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
