next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
