Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
