We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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