I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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