Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
