laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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