I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
