I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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