K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
