I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
