cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
