p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
