Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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