I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
there is glitter all over my balls
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
