You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
