every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
