3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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