my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
